I used to believe that being highly empathetic was my professional superpower.

After all, emotional intelligence is a prized leadership trait, right?

That’s what my early mentors told me:
“Don’t get emotional in conflict.”
“Never make decisions when you’re upset.”
“Keep your cool. Always.”

So I did. I mastered the art of emotional regulation.

I paused. I breathed. I responded calmly, even in high-stakes moments.

From the outside, I was thriving: thoughtful, composed, professional.

But inside?
Something subtle—and serious—was eroding.

The hidden cost of over-regulation.

While I got better at managing emotional reactions, I neglected emotional restoration.

I didn’t make time to feel joy after conflict.

I didn’t know I needed to.

At the root of this?

An old belief I’d inherited early in life:

So I worked hard. I kept it together.

I showed up for others.

But I stopped showing up for myself.

This is how emotional intelligence became emotional labor.

And how emotional labor slowly morphed into people-pleasing.

The people-pleasing trap (that looks like professionalism).

Without joy and self-restoration, my “mature conflict resolution” style looked like this:

How do I reduce friction?
How do I keep the peace?
How do I make them feel better?

It looked polished.
It looked emotionally intelligent.

But it was unsustainable.

I was absorbing everyone’s emotional burdens—without replenishing my own.
Eventually, that accelerated the process of my burnout.
Worse, I lost touch with my own voice.

If you’re a highly empathetic professional woman, you might recognize this too:

🌀 Constant emotional vigilance
🧠 Overthinking every interpersonal moment
🔥 Burnout masked as high performance
💬 Resentment showing up as silence

This isn’t a personal flaw.
It’s a sign you’re emotionally attuned—but not yet emotionally protected.

What I’ve learned: we need a new emotional framework.

One that honors our empathy and protects our energy.
One that balances intelligence with restoration.
One that makes room for joy—not just survival.

Here’s what changed everything for me:

🌿 When I feel emotionally triggered, I no longer just regulate—I restore:

• I acknowledge the trigger without judgment
• I restore peace and joy first (not as a reward, but as a right)
• I engage from wholeness, not depletion

This simple shift has radically transformed how I lead, communicate, and show up.
It’s not about minimizing damage anymore.
It’s about maximizing truth, trust, and mutual growth.

5 ways to practice emotionally sustainable leadership.

Let's explore how to practice emotional intelligence more wisely, drawing from my own experience:

These practices have helped me engage wisely without self-abandonment:

1. Lean into discomfort.​
Don’t avoid the hard conversation. These are the moments that shape your clarity, credibility, and confidence.

2. Prepare your voice.​
Craft a communication plan. Get feedback. Practice. Don’t wing it—your voice deserves precision, not improvisation.

3. Separate opinions from identity.​
Your worth isn’t tied to your opinions. This frees you to grow, rethink, and engage without fear.

4. Build in joy as recovery.​
After hard moments, don’t just “move on.” Consciously engage in joy—play, music, nature, laughter, movement. Joy is fuel.

5. Reject the people-pleasing disguise.​
True maturity isn’t being the peacekeeper at all costs. It’s standing in mutual respect—where your needs matter too.

Final thought: Emotional intelligence ≠ emotional suppression.

We talk a lot about emotional intelligence in leadership circles.
But not enough about emotional sustainability.

Because the goal isn't to become a high-functioning emotional robot.

It’s to become a wise, well-boundaried, joy-filled leader who can handle complexity without losing herself.

That’s the kind of emotional intelligence we need more of.

And that’s the kind of leader we’re becoming.

Have you found yourself over-functioning emotionally at work?

What does emotionally sustainable leadership look like to you?

With you,
Corinna

P.S. If this speaks to you, share it with another empathetic leader in your life. We need more of us leading differently.